relationship issues and solutions

Ways To Avoid Conflict In A Relationship

When we think about our dream relationship, we mostly picture it as having a partner that understands us, encourage us to do what we want to do and a place that gives us serenity and calmness. However, no matter how much we dream, it is impossible to avoid conflict. And not all conflict is bad.

Conflict is defined as a prolonged period of argument or disagreement between two people. But what is the reason for it?
Even though there can be many reasons for conflict, it mostly comes from differences in personalities and temperament. The key point in reducing conflict is to know how are you wired and how do you see the world. Each one has a unique view of the world and the lens through which he or she gives and receives information. The key to avoiding conflict is right there.

Source: giphy.com

In order to have a relationship with a minimal amount of conflict, you need to first understand yourself, and then understand your partner. According to the DISC model of behavior, people are either people or task-oriented while at the same time either outgoing or reserved. The people-oriented side of the DISC graph takes about 65 per cent of the world’s population, while the other 35 per cent is task-oriented. At the same time, that means that 35 per cent of people embrace conflict, while the others just want everyone to get along and avoid conflict.

If you know where you are in that equation and where your partner is, you will be able to adapt your behavior and help your partner express themselves more easily. This does not mean you will completely avoid conflict, and that is not a bad thing. When we avoid conflict, we miss out on the conversations that must take place for major or life-changing moments.

The best way to have important conversations and avoid conflict as much as it is possible is to meet in the middle. When you understand yourself, you will be able to mellow down the way you express your thoughts and feelings if you are outgoing (D and C style) or speak up if you are more reserved (I and S style). What you want to achieve with this is to provide a safe space for your partner so that they can feel comfortable in sharing their thoughts, fears or hopes. This is something that is imperative in important conversations, no matter how uncomfortable they are. One example of those kinds of conversations is the one about money. If you are changing your job and if you decided to take that financial risk, you will want your partner to be able to tell you if that makes them feel scared. Remember: if we don’t understand ourselves and others, we will never be able to adapt the way we communicate with one another and that would significantly reduce conflict.

If you still don’t know what is your style or better said: unique style blend, head on to DISC Assessment and find the one for you and your partner. Also, keep watching this space for a free webinar that will teach you how to improve your communication that’s coming your way in August.

Why Does My Partner Ignore Me?

Large number of people feel the need for a great amount of attention from their partners when they are in love. And it’s not that difficult to feel as if you are being ignored. But things are not always (or almost never) the way they seem to be.

The whole population of humans belongs to one of the four personality types: D, I, S or C. And each human being is a unique mix of the four. That also means that we all communicate differently and to understand why you are “being ignored” you need to understand how different personality styles look at life, work, relationships, and everything that comes in between.

While you might be an outgoing person who loves company, your partner might be on a completely opposite side of the DISC graph and naturally, be quieter and enjoy concentrating on his or her work assignments. If your boyfriend comes to mind right away, regardless of where he stands on a DISC graph, it is important to remember boyfriends don’t intentionally ignore you (most of the time).

A person that belongs to a D personality style is hyper focused on getting things done and is mostly about execution. This means that if a D has a big project at work, nothing will exist outside of it. They are not trying to ignore you, but they are focused on getting whatever it is done. Unfortunately for you, if you are in a relationship with a High D, they will have a list of tasks that need to be done that’s 32 miles long and they won’t be able to sleep until they are done with it. So, remember: they are not ignoring you because they don’t love you; they are just in the zone.  

A partner that is an I personality style is not trying to ignore you, but he has an incredibly short attention span. I am an I and I can confirm that we get into situations where we are all over the place. One of the examples is that we’ll pick up a phone after it buzzes, end up on social media and completely forget why we even picked it up in the first place. The reason behind this is that we suffer from shiny object syndrome and we can get involved in an activity in a blink of an eye. Forgive us, we don’t mean to be the way we are, and we certainly do love you.

If your partner is a S personality style, then he has a big problem with prioritization. He is not ignoring you because he wants to, but because he easily becomes overwhelmed. People who are high S get analysis paralysis and get worried that they might make someone angry if they don’t do something, so they don’t know who or what to prioritize.

A partner that is a C personality style is a very structured and very process-driven individual. This type of person will build in time in their day to check their phone. If you miss that window, there are high chances you will feel ignored. They see a phone as a tool and nothing else. Similar to D’s, C personality types have an extremely long list of tasks they need to finish, but they need to do it in a specific order. So once the phone or talk time comes up in a schedule, they will talk to you. They are not trying to ignore you, but it is just not the right time.

The most important thing we all need to understand is that everything starts with self-awareness. Each of us is a unique blend of four personality styles, so we all have our expectations. What happens when you understand what your personality style is and where does your partner fit in, it will literally change your whole life. The way you act as a couple will change from its core, and you will also see a tremendous change in your behavior at work or around your friends.

DISC Assessment will transform the way you communicate and give you understanding of yourself and others. This also means that it will make you understand how to adapt your behavior around other people. That alone will open doors you never even knew existed when it comes to communicating and networking with other people.

You can find out more about each personality style by checking posts in the sidebar on the right and take that first step toward change by going to the Store and taking the DISC Assessment. 

How Can High I Styles Avoid Conflict At Work?

How do High I styles avoid conflict at work?  By getting their party on of course!!  Check out this week’s podcast to find out more and help your High I styles be successful!!

Concise Adult Version

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  • Your DISC personality graphs