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Alex

Less than 30% of people speak YOUR language

People often refer to Emotional intelligence as a soft skill. And while it may be a soft skill, I think it’s one of the most fundamentally important things we can teach anyone. Regardless of age, the line of work, or any other parameter: we all need to understand people better.
In fact, I think every institution of higher learning, whether that be colleges or high schools, should be teaching some thoughtful emotional intelligence classes.

I believe each and every one of us should encounter and know more about emotional intelligence because it gives us a better understanding of the world in general, starting from ourselves.

If we can better understand ourselves and then branch that out to understand others, how much better will our communication be? How much better are our personal and professional relationships going to flourish?

Shocking statistics

Suppose you think you are a good communicator without emotional intelligence. In that case, I have a newsflash for you: only up to 30% of people you communicate with daily speak YOUR language.

Here’s how we all function: we are all a unique blend of traits, which sets us in one of the personality style groups: D, I, S, or C. (Check links on the right-hand side for more information about each style.)
Each of these styles takes up a certain percentage of the human population. The highest one is an S personality style, with up to 30 percent of the population being part of it. That’s why we can deduct that no more than 30 percent of people you talk to every day speak your language.

Communication can get even more difficult if you belong to the D personality style. The human population has only about 10 percent of High Ds, so if you are one of them, every time you open your mouth, you’re going to be speaking in a way that’s not going to work for 90% of the population. That’s a huge number!

Communication is a two-way street!

The key to understanding others is understanding ourselves

Statistics are there to give us a breakdown of the situation, but we can work on it. Obviously, it is almost impossible to change your personality style (and why would you do it? You are unique and amazing just the way you are.) However, by getting to know yourself, you become more aware of how other people perceive you.

The key to understanding others starts with understanding ourselves. It is essential to know that I view the world a certain way, and I give and receive information through the lens of my view of the world. On the other hand, you have your lens, brought to you by your culture, geographical position, family, religion… you name it. And this diversity of lenses applies to every person on the planet. So, how do you know your message that’s being set out to the world through your lens will be perceived just like you intended it to?

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The only answer is self-awareness. To gain it, the first step is taking a personality assessment. It’s not a test, it’s an assessment that will allow you to see to which percentage of the world you belong. It will give you your strengths and blind spots that you’re not even aware of.
You’ll find out why you talk the way you do or behave the way you do. Why do things that motivate others don’t do the trick for you?

DISC assessment, which you can find here, can be done by you, your family, teens, and children… Even for leaders or salespeople specifically (it helps so much in the workplace!)…
It costs less than one month of Netflix, while your results will last a lifetime. It will help give you more self-awareness, which will provide you with more awareness of others and then give you the ability to adapt your behavior to meet others where they are.

Give emotional intelligence a chance, and it will come back to you tenfold.

Does a High D Make the Best CEO?

People ask me all the time does a high D make the best CEO? The truth is, most CEOs are a high D personality style. However, that is not necessarily a pre-requirement to become a great CEO.

We find so many high Ds among CEOs because they don’t take no for an answer and see a climb up the corporate ladder as a challenge. And they do love the challenge!

In reality, any personality style can be a successful CEO. But most will lack the drive to do whatever it takes to hold on tight to the corporate ladder while climbing it. That’s why it’s essential to be aware of your strengths and your blind spots.

Suppose you are lacking Emotional Intelligence Component as a high D CEO. In that case, you will have blind spots that will prevent you from being successful.

A blind spot means something you don’t see but everyone else does. So, buckle up and get ready to find out what they are and how to work on them to climb the corporate ladder even faster.

I’ll start with your strengths as they are equally important to be focused on, as they are your wings to success.

High D Strengths

Results-oriented

High Ds want to do everything possible to meet the objective. Whatever you set up as a goal, you will get there each time. And you expect your employees or colleagues to work toward that goal, too; fewer excuses, more results is their motto!

Innovative mindset

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Whatever goal you reach makes you think about the next big idea. The way you think in every area of your life is strategic, forward-looking, and innovative. They not just think, but they know they and their organization can always do better. High D likes to think about the future and imagine what can be done, and then come up with a crazy idea to get to what they imagined.
If you work for a high D, know they think outside of the box, so be ready to hear about things that have never been done if you have a High D in your workplace.

Direct communication

When a High D wants to tell all about an out-of-the-box idea for the next goal set, they will do so in a straightforward fashion. People probably won’t get a lot of extra information; just a big, scary goal is set, followed by “I know you can get it done. “
As a colleague of a high D, if you expect a bit of chit-chat before setting a scary task for you, think of this blog as your wake-up call!

Initiating activity

As we mentioned, high Ds want to get things done, so they are all about execution. They want to do as much as it is humanly possible (sometimes even more than that) in a day. They make quick decisions, sometimes based on facts, sometimes on their gut, and sometimes based on a combination of the two. But, they never sit around and wait for things to happen. They make them happen.
If you don’t like to wait for a decision to be made so that you can continue to do your job, you’ll love a high D in your company. They can turn a whole project in a completely different direction in a matter of minutes. They make quick decisions because they see an opportunity. And when they see an opportunity, they go after it!

High D blind spots

Setting too high standards

The big, scary goals that I have mentioned a High D will put in front of others can sometimes be too big and too risky. Sometimes, what they have envisioned may not be doable in the real world or in real-time. This can sometimes be a good thing, but in most cases, a high D needs to be aware that some things are not doable. If you explain that a goal is not realistic, but you will chase it, they will be okay with that. And they must be aware of unrealistic goals because if they set high standards for too long, their staff or colleagues might feel worn out, and that can result in a decrease of employees in a company. We don’t want that, right?

Loving the change

Change is inevitable is a phrase that a high D takes too literally. That’s why they make changes more frequently than it’s necessary. As they don’t like waiting around, they constantly make small changes in objectives, little course corrections, they put out new incentives… So as a high D, you need to be reminded from time to time to slow down.
If you are a high D, make it your priority to tell people why you’re doing what you are doing when making changes. And in doing so, be mindful of your blind spot no. 3:

Lacking tact and diplomacy

As a high D, you are busy getting things done, so you tend to forget that others don’t move at the same speed and need a bit of context and encouragement to work on their tasks. Remember that “losing “a moment to explain what’s going on to your colleagues will give you better and faster results.

Appear angry

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Being a High D means being passionate. But what happens is that while you believe you are showing passion, others just see anger. You are fired up, and full of ideas, and others think you are aggressive.
If you are a high D CEO, remember that your passion can and is misperceived as anger and frustration. A smile and a kind word will always open more doors for you.


A great solution for any High D CEO is to have a High S or some type of S blend as one of their administrative assistants. This person can filter the message and smooth things ower. You need someone who will translate the message you are trying to convey and speak in terminology that’s closer to people-oriented folks at your workplace.

Create a corporate filter in one of the positions close to you, which will make your team more productive. You’ll have more effective communication as it will be coming from a different angle.

How to Be a Great Leader (Part 1)

When we mention the word leader, most of us think about politicians, religious leaders, or CEOs. However, we are all leaders in our life.
Whether you are a CEO, a team leader, or simply a parent, each of us has someone we need to lead.

But, leading is not easy. Ask any parent, and they can confirm this.

When leading others, we have to keep in mind their personality, how they react to certain situations, and how they need to be led efficiently.

Here are my secrets of the trade.

You can find all about different personality styles here. If you are unsure about your personality style, or the one of your child, spouse, or employee, take a DISC assessment appropriate to the age here.

Leading high D styles

Disc Model: D type personality

In order to steer your high D in the direction you want them to go, here are the things you need to give them:

Freedom

High Ds require freedom to make choices. Suppose you need to limit their crazy ambitious ideas. In that case, you need to give them a couple of options but leave them the flexibility to make the final choice.
Even if we’re talking about having a high D child, it will be much easier to get them to bed every night if you allow them to choose their own sleep time from two to three options. They want to be their own boss.

Authority

Being micromanaged is not something a D will be on board with. Actually, if you try to do that, you will probably end up in a conflict with them. They want to have the authority to make decisions by themselves, so all you need is to give them the tools to be successful and look at them making things happen!

Varied activities

High Ds don’t enjoy repetitive tasks or doing the same things day in and day out. They need a challenge (and there is no challenge they can’t do!). Their brains, as well as their bodies, are always active and engaged. That’s why they need diversity in everything they’re going towards.
In the business world, you will notice a D in the position of a project manager or an entrepreneur will often start a task and leave it halfway to move on to something more interesting instead of waiting for things to unravel. But it is possible to keep them on task using step number four.

Difficult assignments

High Ds see this as a way to accomplish greatness. And there’s nothing more that they want from being great.
In the workplace, accomplish this by assigning them anything from letting them tackle a software they never worked with before to working with a new person on the team. You have to keep them engaged at all times, as they are looking for ways to move forward. Because they need:

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Opportunity to advance

Whatever a high D is doing, they want to take it a step forward. Keep in mind that whenever you create a task and an expectation for a high D, they will go and do their best to exceed that. And they will most likely succeed in that.

Provide direct answers

Simply put: cut to the chase in most of your communication with a high D.
Ds are self-motivated, so there’s no need to chit-chat before giving them an assignment or trying to make them feel good before getting a task. You need to be clear, provide them with a task, expectation, and deadline, and you’re out!

Stick to business

This is especially useful in the workplace. High Ds react great to leaders who come to work to — work. They want to get stuff done and detest the icebreakers, chit chat and any other aspect of communication at the workplace that is not directly connected to work.

Let them know the goal

When giving out a task to your high D team member or your child, you must tell them what the end goal of that activity is. They need to focus on the result so that they can use their freedom to make choices along the way (remember the first two things on this list). You can trust a high D to find the fastest and most efficient way to reach the goal.

Put in some pressure

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While people-oriented styles dislike the pressure of a deadline, a high D responds excellently to pressure. This makes them rise to the challenge. They will put in extra work and be concentrated and productive. Once again, they want to be seen as successful, and they will use a pressured situation to prove how well they can perform.
If putting pressure on others is taking you out of your comfort zone, keep in mind that by doing so, you will get a high D motivated to do what needs to be done.

Allow freedom for personal accomplishment

High Ds are box breakers, and they will think outside the box whether you like it or not. So don’t box them in in the first place.
Give them freedom for personal accomplishment. If you do that, you might find there is a new process for everyone in your company to use or just an easier way to clean the gutters on your house. It is also exciting to watch when a high D is coming up with something new, as they get really innovative. So, just set the goal and few limits (financial, etc.) and let them work their magic. You will love the end result, I promise.

Leading High I styles

High Is are all about fun, so you need to keep that in mind. Also, if you want to lead them, this is what you need to give them:

Prestige

Being a center of attention is something a high I enjoy. Suppose they are the best salesperson in the office. In that case, they want to receive a handwritten note, have a bit of a party, and enjoy the CEO shaking their hand in front of an entire company…
Interestingly, high Is is that the more dominant the I style is in them, the more attention they will want. If they are far away from the center of the DISC graph, they will want to be celebrated all day, every day. While if their results are somewhat lower and closer to the center of the graph, they will develop some self-awareness and will not need all the attention.

Friendly relationships

Is are people-oriented, and they lite to get involved with others.
That means that a cubicle is just a fictional boundary for them in the workplace, and they will be out of it every five minutes to go network and work with others. If you are a leader of a high I, you need to keep this in mind.
However, this can be used when you need some brainstorming or teamwork; as a high I will be happy to share ideas with others and get people to move in the right direction.

Opportunities to influence others and opportunities to Inspire others

These two opportunities might sound the same, but they are not.
Influencing someone is defined as the capacity to affect the character development or behavior of someone or something or the effect itself. So, a high I want to change how others think about something and change the action they’re going to perform.
Inspiring someone means having the ability to do something creative or draw forth or bring out. In this case, we can say a high I will use persuasion to get others to move into action or draw from their potential. 
What connects both situations is that a high I is very optimistic, and they are capable of seeing the big picture that someone can achieve. And they will help them get there!

Democratic leader and a friend

High Is respond best if they have a chance to be involved in the outcomes of what’s going to happen. To be more exact, if they feel you as their leader are their friend too, they will move mountains to do whatever needs to be done.
To achieve that in an I, you must be able to listen to their ideas and give them the recognition they are looking for. Ask them for their statement and feelings often, and they will respond by putting their all into a task you assigned them to.

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Social involvement outside of work

As mentioned before, high I like to engage with people and form relationships. They don’t want to keep them inside of office walls; they want to transfer those relationships outside of work. They like to be involved, and you will lead them easily if you invite them to bowl, a game, fantasy football league, etc.
For a high I, a relationship is significant, and the more you nurture it, the easier it will be to lead them.

Recognition of their abilities

It would be best if you fed the ego of a high I. The easiest way to do that is to recognize what they do well. Every time you speak up about how well they did something, it will put a little extra to your relationship with a high I, and they will return enormously.

Incentive for risk-taking

By nature, Is are not risk-takers, and that’s why they require an incentive to do so. But this doesn’t have to be money; it can be anything from starting a bowling league if they take a risk to go on a nighttime badminton game if that’s what they like. And they want fun more than anything, so keep that in mind.

Atmosphere of excitement

If you want to make an I do something, promise them (and deliver!) fun activity that they can be involved in.

What Makes You Tick?

Do you know what makes you tick? Have you ever tried to figure out the situations that make you tick? Finding out what your triggers are will help you understand yourself better and allow you to realize what makes other people tick.

One of the first steps in finding what makes you tick is to look at your identity. And identity is based on a multitude of factors, and they all affect who you ultimately are. Some of these factors are:

  • your personality
  • your temperament
  • the culture of the family you were raised in
  • the culture of the geographical point where you were raised

How is the world divided?

When we think about what makes you tick, personality and temperament factors are the key. They directly impact how you view the world, communicate with others, and receive communication from others.

That’s why the world is divided into two groups: outgoing people and reserved people.

Outgoing people never met a stranger in their life. They are excited about everything, enthusiastic, optimistic, and full of energy! They think and go simultaneously, moving fast like a supercar on a freeway. Their mantra is: I’ll sleep when I’m dead.

Their counterparts, reserved people, are more controlled in their gestures. They get involved at a slower pace and take time to speak up to ensure they won’t offend anyone. They think things through before acting, but once they get moving, you can count on them on each step of the road.

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Another way to divide the world is into people-oriented and task-oriented kinds.

Those who are people-oriented are all about emotions, caring, sharing, and relationships. But the task-oriented folks are all about getting things done. And they want it done with function, form, procedures, and organization.


How to know what makes you tick?

The DISC Graph will help us.

Can you find your quadrant?

High D personality style people never met a challenge they couldn’t face. No is just another question towards getting a Yes for them. They are focused on a task, not just that they want to be in charge: they don’t have a problem saying so.

High Is are all about fun. They don’t need to go to a party, as they are the party! They can approach anyone at any time and will always make sure that people are having fun.

When it comes to High Ss, they have the aura around them that makes people approach them and start talking. And Ss will listen in their true supportive personality. They are reserved and don’t approach people easily, but they will give you the shirt off their back if you approach them. True people persons.

The last group is High Cs. They are cautious, reserved, and all about tasks. They want to have a procedure for everything, be consistent and tick out every task in a day. They literally won’t sleep at night if they can’t do that.

How do we know one another?

We are actually all consistent of all 4 groups: D, I, S, and C. However, we have dominant traits and almost invisible traits in our behavior.

Whichever style is dominant for a person, the characteristics of that style will give them energy. And vice versa.

For example, I am a High I (I score 92 out of 100 points on the DISC Assessment). That means I’m people-oriented and outgoing. So people give me energy; I love being involved with others. But what is taking my energy are tasks and organization. That means I can do a spreadsheet, but I won’t be good at it, and it will take a lot of my energy. That’s how I know what makes me tick.


Once you position yourself on the graph above, you can understand yourself. That will lead you to know what takes energy from you, what gives you energy, and what ultimately makes you tick.
Once you understand that for yourself, you can better understand others. So, you will be able to communicate better and adapt your behavior to have a more peaceful life at home, at work, or anywhere else you go.

The first step to really understanding yourself is to take an assessment. There are tons of them online, and you can go ahead and search for them. You can also use the link here to get an assessment for you. You will find assessments for you, kids, teenagers, and leadership assessments…

What you get after taking a DISC Assessment is a six-page long scan of you. With six pages of learning who you are. They’ll give you your strengths, weaknesses, and blind spots, and they’ll give you a piece of discussion material that you can put in front of someone and see if they think the description fits you. This creates a wonderful discussion on a path of self-discovery.

If you really want to transform the way you communicate and reduce conflict in your relationships with a partner, friends, and family, get yourself an assessment. Have others in your circle take it too, and that’s going to build a relationship, generate a conversation, and transform the way you communicate.

You Are What You Wear

There are many ways to recognize different personality styles in people around you, and one of the on-the-nose ones is attire. How are people coming to work (or showing up on Zoom) dressed?
Picking an outfit might seem easy, but you say a lot about yourself with your clothes, whether you want it. You are what you wear. And so are others around you. So, you can use work fashion to find out who you are working with really.

Here is what clothes are telling you.

Did they dress for success?

A high D likes to wear something that shows how proud they are of their accomplishments, so this will be their attire: 

Men: 

  • classic attire in terms of the white-collar environment
  • a suit that’s crisp and clean
  • bold color (straight blue, straight red) that gives off an impressive feel
  • college ring and an expensive watch (Rolex, Omega) as an accessory. 

Women: 

  • monochromatic suits
  • expensive jewelry (diamonds, emeralds, pearls).

High Ds worked hard to get to where they are now, so they want their success to be clear from the moment you see them. They want to show off their degrees and awards, so anything that traditionally sends a message that someone is successful will be part of their wardrobe. 

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High D: power suit that goes great with a corner office.

That’s a fun outfit!

High Is are all about fun, so their clothes will send the same message. You can recognize them by flashy suits, bright colors, fun ties, and colorful socks that usually match. 

Their favorite dress-up day is Casual Friday, when they can go crazy and demand attention to themselves in a fun, fashionable way.

When accessorizing, I styles will use costume jewelry and a lot of it. They want to stand out so they can create a conversation. High I styles love to chat!

Do you even remember what were they wearing?

Muted colors, earthy tones, and tiny jewelry are signs of a High S. They prioritize comfort and concealment over flair and want to blend in as much as possible. When picking out an outfit for a High S, the key is how not to be noticed in a room full of people.

You can recognize them because they will not wear anything controversial, nor pieces of jewelry that can spark a conversation. This is because they just want to do their job unbothered and go home.
Women Ss will use flowy, easy-to-wear, comfortable pieces of clothing. Often, they will use little or no makeup, and that’s because they are so comfortable with who they are and their natural style. 

Function, function, function!

When talking about clothing, there are some stereotypes, and they are based on a bit of truth. So, suppose you think about a nerdy character from an 80’s movie and their attire. In that case, you can picture thick glasses and a pocket protector on their short-sleeve button-down shirt. And while today’s Cs don’t dress like that, it’s a good analogy for how they dress. In today’s world, you can think of Sheldon from TBBT, who is always wearing a T-shirt over a long-sleeve shirt with straight-fit pants, as he finds it functional for the job he is performing.

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High C: function over fashion trends.

They are not concerned with how other people perceive them and want to wear clothes that will not affect their day-to-day tasks. They see a suit as a work uniform and often wear just a couple of outfits in a rotation. They don’t need to try something new when they already have something that works. 


Make note that the business environment is somewhat restraining in terms of attire. In many places, your work will demand you wear a uniform, so when trying to identify the personality style of a boss or a colleague, check what they are wearing outside of work. 

These dress tricks will give you an idea of someone’s personality, but don’t forget to get a complete image by checking their office and body language too.

FREE Emotional Intelligence Mini Course

Did you know that up to 90% of all interpersonal conflict comes from differences in temperament? Are you struggling to understand others? Maybe you want to improve the way you communicate in your personal and professional relationships. 
This free Mini-course will teach you about the different types of temperament, which one you are, and how to determine the temperament of others.